032812: Note to self: the only thing worse than being a silent protagonist is being a whiny little bitch that cries constantly about dumb shit.
This promises to be a great adventure. Voices in my head have determined that I'm the chosen one, and now Mystery Babe just invaded my totally posh mansion(which I was too busy bitching about to appreciate), made fools of the dozens of guards dotted around the place, bitchslapped my swordmaster and teleported my ill-equipped ass to the middle of nowhere. So now I'm stuck walking my ass across an entire foreign kingdom back to my totally sweet pad. Somehow I get the feeling it's not going to be as simple as it sounds.
Great. Just great! Now my big spoiled-rotten mouth is getting me hauled around some shit splat berg by a bunch of angry villagers with pitchforks. You ever have a moment where you mouth keeps running while your brain is shouting "shut up, shut up, SHUT THE FUCK UP!!"? I get the feeling those moments are going to be coming faster and faster before they ease up. So now I'm wandering through a forest trying to hunt down a furry creature for no other reason than that I (for some unknowable reason) feel the need to prove to myself that I didn't steal the shit the pitchfork-wielding yokels accused me of stealing. Of course, they already figured out it wasn't me and apologized profusely, but that sure didn't stop me from making an unnecessary detour(that's delaying my triumphant return home to the very lap of luxury) to prove something EVERYBODY ALREADY KNOWS!
Enter Babyface the Religious Leader. Found him nosing around the forest looking for the same furry creatures me and Mystery Babe went in (totally unnecessary) search of. So long story short, me, Mystery Babe and Babyface the Religious Leader make our way to the furry creature hideout, have a chat with the head honcho furry creature and have pushed on us Firebug the Infant Furry Creature. It's tiny, it's cute, it's got eyes the size of dinner plates and it's got the voice of a prepubescent eunich.
I want to slow roast it and make it a meal, but it breathes fire, so I won't.
032912: Unfortunately, we need Firebug the Infant Furry Creature because it is apparently the Doctor Doolittle of monsterkind and we need to go have a chat with a man-eating liger. That's right- a fucking liger. So we make it into the ligers' den and ask their queen for a bit of help. Queenie's response?
"Brahh! Piss off or I'll eat you!" Do we take the out she offered? Noooo... we ask again and a fight ensues. Just as we realize we're way out of our league- and about to be eaten- Deus ex machina appears and Stuck Up Military Dude shows up just in time to pull our collective ass out of the fire. Liger Queen is toast and we head back to the furry creature hideout in order to dump the wee bastard back on his own people and get back to my triumphant return trip.
Head Honcho Furry informs me that due to the unconscionable mistake of having saved the squeaky little shit from being eaten, I'm now saddled with it for the next year. Joy of joys. Fine!
So we take Firebug the Infant Furry Creature with us out of the furry creature woods just in time to be arrested by Stuck Up Military Dude's underlings. Rotten prick- saved our lives for the sole purpose of locking us up. Expected? Nope. Surprising? Not particularly.
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